ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
