Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
