she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
