Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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