On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
