ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
