you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
