My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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