remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
