My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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