just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
