Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
