Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
