$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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