Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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