I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
