the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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