Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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