So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
