he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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