Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
