my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
