It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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