I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
