if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
