She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
