Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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