Apparently you make a good broom.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
