that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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