can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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