I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
