I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
