WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
