i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Randomize
