I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize