Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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