I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
