How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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