Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
