You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
