just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize