i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
