508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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