help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
