My room smells like vodka and shame
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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