my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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