Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
