I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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