it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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