Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
