you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
