How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
