Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
