so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
