i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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