Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
