i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can you bring me the toilet please
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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